Tuesday, April 19, 2011

34 weeks! Advice?

This week marks the 34th week of growing our little super human inside my body. The excitement and apprehension grow more and more everyday. Ben and I have had some serious "nesting" attacks in the last few weeks. We keep downsizing all of our storage so that we will have more manageable space once the baby is here. The nursery seems ready, we're just waiting on a few items like a stroller and car seat.
32 weeks. Taken in Key West.

We've also began reading infant books. That's right, just now. haha! Ben and I kind of walk to the beat of our own drum if you haven't noticed. We just picked out names last week for goodness sakes! Either way, something's going to happen, and we'll be just fine.

Some notes of advice that I've really liked reading thus far are:
* Just be prepared to make a lot of decisions on the fly... there's no way to prepare for the decisions that you'll need to make in the years to come.
* There is no way to spoil a baby in the first 4 months. (Therefore, we get to use our "get out of jail free card" quite often to snuggle them until our hearts are content)
* First 3 months are considered 4th trimester. The baby has been used to it's own "room" without siblings or animals to bother it, lots of cool noises like my heartbeat, could eat and sleep anytime that it wanted, and was in complete comfort in it's water-land. When the child is born, this all goes away, and our job becomes mimicking my uterus as much as possible. This also builds trust between child and parents, or so they say.
* Swaddle, swaddle, swaddle!
* White noise is apparently a savior for most couples. My great hubby just ordered a white noise machine this week off of amazon. We, of course, are going to try this out n ourselves (we may spring for a second machine for both our bedroom and nursery).
* Don't bite their thighs. Just kidding.

And this is where I'd like to open up the floor for all mothers, fathers, and those of you that also have great advice. What worked for you???? Any tricks?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

30 weeks!?

So a lot has happened since I last posted. For one, Ben and I are now a married couple. We had a lovely ceremony to celebrate on February 26, 2011. I could not have asked for a better day to have with friends and family. Ben and I chose a small chapel outside of Indianapolis that was also equipped with a lovely reception area downstairs. Many times throughout the wedding week, we felt like we had forgotten something because it just seemed too easy. Our wedding morning looked something like this: Our friends from Wisconsin kept Ben company at our Indianapolis apartment playing Trivial Pursuit, while I hung out with my family at their hotel down the street. My wonderful friends, Valerie, Crystal, and Megan, kept me company. Megan, as I have appropriately called the Magician, fixed my hair for the wedding. Valerie, still in search of a nickname, took all of the wonderful photographs of our wedding. 


We had a guest list that included 60 of our closest family and friends. The ceremony was very special to us for a lot of reasons. Ben and I wrote our vows, chose to take the Buddhist Precepts on our wedding day together, and maybe my favorite part, was the blessing of our family. The minister took the time to have our families bless the 3 of us, and I could barely hold a straight face. It was that moment that hit me that Ben and I are very LUCKY. Our lives in the last few years have been challenging to say the least, but it was in that moment, holding hands with my husband while carrying our child, that I was overcome with gratefulness.

After the ceremony, we asked guests to meet us downstairs. There we created a relaxed scene full of fresh flowers and candles. We enjoyed spending time with everyone, the wonderful art of a 60 person guest list. After eating, Ben and I were able to take our time and talk to everyone there. Soon after that, Ben stood up with his guitar and played a song for his new bride, "The Wedding Song.” He is so talented, that man.

Somewhere between his touching song and the end of the night, many guests volunteered to come up and play with my husband. To say that they are talented is an understatement. You can feel the passion from every note played, and it is a blessing to just hear them. I truly enjoyed when Ben’s mom stood up and played the violin with them. <3

When the night came to a close, Ben and I embarked on our new adventure as husband and wife. One of our gifts from Ben’s family was a night’s stay at the Embassy Suites. We had the top floor, a large suite, a gift basket of snacks, chocolate, and sparkling grape juice; we had a great evening. This was part of our suite the morning after. It had an excellent view of Indianapolis.


Our first big purchase since the wedding was a new car! As Ben would say, “I guess this means we are really married.” Ben is a subscriber for Consumer Reports, and they rave about the Honda Fit. The size, safety, handling, and space available is exactly what we need with a baby on the way. WE LOVE THE CAR, and I suggest it to anyone that is buying a mid-size car anytime soon.

The interior


 In other news, my stomach is getting huge, and I think it is because of this little person…

Although, I must admit, when I see this little face, I get soo so excited about meeting them! The heartburn, stomach aches, leg cramps, and lack of sleep are so much more bearable when I see this little Kilbarger in the making. I look forward to biting their little cheeks and hearing their very first whole-hearted giggle.

We are officially at 30 weeks this week! It’s amazing how much time has passed since we first started telling everyone our news. Only a few more weeks left, and then Ben and I will begin our new adventure as co-parents, co-teachers.

Boy am I beginning to feel pregnant. It’s hard to put on socks, get out of the bath tub, and for that matter, get off of the couch. I’m having the need to nap almost every day now, probably from my lack of sleep at night. Every day my stomach is getting tighter and tighter, and I am hoping that something gives soon.  I can no longer stretch for things above my head (as i don’t have the extra abdomen skin to conquer such a maneuver.

Our first baby shower is next weekend in Cincinnati. Then, Ben and I are flying to Naples, FL to enjoy a relaxing honeymoon over our spring break. Updates to come.

Monday, January 24, 2011


After the proposal, Ben and I came back to his Madison apartment, changed our fb status (naturally), and then took a nap. For the next several days we packed, and packed, and packed some more. Our friends Nick and Chase came over to help Ben pack all the boxes into the moving truck.

The following day, Ben drove the moving truck, while Chase and I drove "white lightning"(Ben's appropriately named vehicle). Of course it was not as simple as that: the moving truck that Ben had to tirelessly attain from Budget now had a broken windshield wiper. As you can imagine, this hinders your driving ability quite a bit when you have snow and road salt barreling at you. We pulled over to a rest stop in Wisconsin, and Ben quickly made friends with about 10 truck drivers (he's a charming one), in hopes of finding a wrench so that he could (very manly mind you) fix the broken wiper.

After 20 minutes or so, SHAZAM it was fixed! Handy man indeed.

4 hours later we ends up at a Frisch's Big Boy right outside of Indiana. It's by far the worst "food" that I've ever eaten in my life. Warm things were cold, cold things were warm... ulg. However, our University of Wisconsin division 1 athlete, Chase, found everything very delectable. I gladly "shared" my "food" with him. As in he ate 90% of it. He's a growing boy.

Once arriving in Indy, we relaxed. We slept. It had been 5 days since I'd seen my bed, and this time I got to share it with a boy, tee hee.

The next morning, the manly men unloaded that stuffed moving truck, as I completed my last minute Christmas shopping (this was December 24th). Please note  *last minute means all of my shopping in this specific case.

We then loaded up into White Lightning and dashed to Ben's folks' place in Cincinnati. We spent 1 day there, said goodbye to our Division One athlete, and headed west to lovely Tell City to see my family. By the time we got there, Ben and I were feeling the ran down feeling of, "where is my bed? where is my home?" It was a great time to see all of my family, but I'm also disappointed that I felt soooo tired, and out of sorts.

We spent a couple days in TC, and then we headed back to our home. This is what it looked like for a week or so. :-)
Unpacking, hard.

I'm hiding. Where's Lacey?

Ben journaling.
Ben had no counter space in the kitchen, so this is where he prepared our delicious black bean soup.
Unpacking, like a champion.

But no worries folks! It looks awfully snazzy these days. Pictures to come.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

A little to celebrate

A lot has happened in 3 weeks... Ben graduated from grad school, Ben and I are now engaged, holidays with our families, Ben moved from Wisconsin into our apartment in Indianapolis, and we are almost 20 weeks pregnant.

It all started with being picked up by Ben's family and traveling up to Wisconsin from Indianapolis. It was Friday, the last day of class before winter break. I rushed home and gathered some last minute things for my suitcase, and was happily greeted by Ben's mother, father, and sister. We all packed up into their car for our road trip, first stop: Bloomington, Illinois.

Ben's family had reserved a hotel room for us to stop at, that was half way from Indy to Madison. Upon arriving we ran to a nearby Mexican restaurant for some lovely, warm dinner. It is also where I fantasized about hooking up Ben's sister, Sarah, with our waiter. I decided that it may be inappropriate, so I caved.

The next day, we traveled another 3 hours north to Madison, Wisconsin. It was bittersweet for me, knowing that this might be the last time that I ever step foot into the city that has warmed my heart. Not to mention, it was the city that I had envisioned myself in, as a UW grad student. Therefore, this trip was also tough in the sense, that I was also closing the door on my UW grad school intentions as well.

We arrived at Ben's apartment. I was greeted with his lovely blue eyes and two long arms wrapped around me. I hadn't seen Ben for a week, but a week is a lot of time to be separated from someone that you love. After greetings were exchanged, we met up at a cafe on State Street. Ben's cousin, Chase, and our friend, Claire also joined us. That night we began to help Ben pack up his Madison life.

The next day was a big day. It was graduation day for Ben. Words cannot express the enjoyment that I felt that day for Ben, and Ben's family. We helped him get suited up in the graduation garb, however, this was different because he wore a hood that signified him as a "Master," or so he says.

Ben found his place, and his family and I found our spots among the many other proud families inside the Kohl Center. The ceremony took about an hour or so to commence. After the graduation, we all walked to Nick's Restaurant for a celebration lunch (before Ben's parents and sister began their journey back to Cincinnati).

After lunch, we said our goodbyes to Ben's family and Claire. Ben, Chase, and I continued to walk toward Bascom Hill. It is tradition for UW graduates to climb up the statue of Abraham Lincoln, that is placed at the very top of Bascom Hill, and whisper hopes, dreams, or intentions into his ear. Chase split off to go and study for a final exam that he had the following day.

Ben and I walked/hiked up to the top of Bascom Hill in the freezing Wisconsin winter air. I brought my camera to document this monumental occasion. Ben had a tough time of getting a good grip onto the icy statue so instead he whispered loud enough that Abe could hear, but no one else could.

Ben walked back to me, took the camera out of my hand, took off my gloves (at this point... I was very confused as to why he was taking off my gloves when it was a negative degree windchill), reached into his pocked, and then kneeled down before me. This is where is gets a little fuzzy for me... my mind was saying a lot of things, "Oh crap, is he proposing, his knee is going to be cold, wait is that a ring, oh crap..." Of course my mind was racing while I was missing what he was saying, and they were probably the most perfect words about our love, and yeah, there I was, wondering if his knee was cold.

I snapped back into real life, realized the proposal, started laughing and smiling, and replied with a, "YES!" Ben stood up and placed a delicate and lovely white gold band upon my ring finger. I, then, grabbed his hand and kneeled before him and asked for his hand in marriage, of which he also replied, "YES!" to. As we hugged and kissed, we were celebrated by the clapping of passerby strangers.

to be continued...

Monday, December 13, 2010

Something's Gonna Happen

Baby Daddy Travels

I was intending to drive to Chicago this weekend to meet up with my love, Benjamin. However, this weekend's weather caused my "Baby Mama Red Flag Alert," to go off. Friday afternoon, Ben and I texted back and forth about canceling our Chicago weekend, until Ben suggested that he would just drive to Indy.

Against our better judgment, we both agreed that this was a great idea. Granted, the weekend was excellent, I'd much rather us be safe rather than sorry. Ben's drive to Indy was easy compared to his trip back. He had a near-death experience. See here: http://benkilbarger.blogspot.com/2010/12/unbearable-whiteness-of-being.html.
I'm so glad you're home safe and sound.

Weekend Holla!

Our weekend in Indy was full of lots of love and watermelon. That's right, watermelon. A new craving. During our meditation/sitting, for approximately 20 minutes my mind was hijacked by the lush fantasy of juicy, rich watermelon. After our sitting, we went to the nearest grocery, wal-mart (gag) and bought two watermelons. I would like you to visualize how I carried the watermelons, so that they didn't look like, well, you know, melons. Ben was carrying our new Egyptian Mattress Pad. Egyptian > or < regular cotton mattress pad? We didn't know, but we agreed that the lady on the front of the considerably more expensive Egyptian Mattress Pad was way hotter and looked more rested than the crappy advertisement on that regular cotton pad. Saturday was very fulfilling with our melon and mattress pad purchases.

Gosh, that watermelon was the most delicious thing I've ever tasted. When we got home, I immediately chopped one in half, grabbed a spoon, and ate the entire half.

Also, in food news. Waffle House is effing delicious. I've never had it until a few weeks ago due to Ben's suggestion. The first waffle house seemed really greasy, and loud, but there is an EXCELLENT waffle house off of Pendleton Pike and 465 (fellow Indy-ans). I'm sold, and a believer.

While there, I read a great article about renting Christmas trees. Apparently, you pay a due and just return the tree after your family celebrates the holiday season. The trees are still potted and otherwise, look the same as any tree you can have chopped. Next year, Ben and I (plus baby) will be tree-renters. It just makes sense.

Moving Right Along

Long distance relationship sucks. Long-distance and pregnant = way worse. We, for the entire length of our relationship have only been away from each other 2 weeks at most. We've always had seeing each other in person set as a top priority. Seeing each other so often (plus our nightly skype date) has proved to be a life preserver for me at times. It's amazing what a hug can do.

Ben and I only have a week until we move him from Madison, Wisconsin, into my humble abode that is located in northern Indianapolis. It will be such a lovely day to switch from mechanically saying mine to saying ours. I greatly look forward to sharing my comfort zone and living space with my love. And man, it will be so great to not have to hug goodbye so often. 

Oh, Baby!

I've been super congested for 3 weeks. Apparently it's a pregnancy symptom. A way better pregnancy symptom than nausea, that's for sure! I felt the baby move again last night. It's my second "movement" experience. I look forward to them becoming more frequent. We are 16 weeks today. The baby is approximately 7 inches long, and I imagine them looking like their daddy. I hope that they are happy, healthy, and serene. I cannot wait to teach them and show them what love is, as we understand it.

Check out this awesome video to see what's happening inside my uterus. I know you do. ;-)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Baby, Sex, and Thanksgiving


Presently, we are 15 weeks pregnant. When I last left you in this blog, we were only 5 weeks pregnant. It's amazing how fast life can change within a 10 week period. I mean, this whole experience started with surprise, fear, excitement; now we are more calm, excited, and nervous.

5 through 13 weeks were full of nausea and an overall food-dislike. It seemed like nothing was appetizing and everything that I ate was either tasteless, or downright inedible. One minute I would crave Sunkist, the next day I loathed the sight of Sunkist. I couldn't buy a week's worth of groceries without wondering what I was going to waste this week because I began to hate it. Also, paired with a food dislike, was an upset stomach if you ate too much. So if I finally found a food that I loved.... well the meal would be eaten over a period of hours versus a sitting. I would have an aching stomach pain if I was hungry, or if I ate too much.
FINALLY, last week happened. Every food I can think of is delicious. I mean delicious. I've never had better oranges, tastier spaghetti, the most appetizing pickles in all of my life. Now granted my senses have sort of flip-flopped from before, right? Weeks before, food sucked; now all food is delicious and more awesome than what it was before I was pregnant. I could get used to this I think.

Loves Obsessions: Pickles, oranges, green beans, corn, creamed corn, watermelon, spaghetti, pizza.

I literally eat a can of corn for lunch some days, and then I'm hungry an hour later. Gosh, I'm hungry all the time now.

Friday night, while I was talking to Ben on the phone, I felt the baby move for the first time! It was exactly how I've read it would be. It happened where my button is on my jeans. I was laying flat on my stomach, and then I felt like someone's hand was inside my stomach, just lightly moving around. Then it stopped. Minutes later, it happened again. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that our little person is growing healthy, seemingly happy.

Baby's Sex

In other news, Ben and I have decided to wait to find out the sex of the baby until birth. I cannot speak for Ben, but I feel like it's something that should wait. I didn't know that I would feel this way, but now that I'm pregnant, I have a strong urge to wait. I just got used to the idea that I am having a baby, and I want to keep that sacred. A part of me feels like once I know it's a girl or a boy; that I'll lose that connection to him/her being a baby. We're currently building a soul of a human being, that's healthy, and that's all I want to know in this stage.

Letting It Sink In

This past Thanksgiving, I traveled to Cincinnati with Ben to spend time with his family that lives in Milford (suburb of Cincy). We spent a couple days there, and we really had a good chance to relax. In doing so, Ben rummaged up some old photo albums of his family and when he was a baby. This is me, with my 14 week baby bump looking through the genealogy of my love. Lot's of photos, beginning with years before Ben was even thought of. I enjoyed the photos from Alan and Phyllis' (ben's parents) wedding a lot too! It is such a lovely family, a wonderful history, and I felt lucky to get to peak into the Kilbarger's family past.

Ben aka Captain Awesome
As Ben shot this photo of me, he said something along the lines of, "This can go in our family album, so that our children can look back on us too." That's when it sunk in. Ben and I are a family. And even though this person has not greeted us yet, they are the beginning of our family, the beginning of our family history, the beginning of our own family albums.

When I looked at photos of Ben as a child, it makes me so anxious to want to meet our little person. Who will they look like? Who will they act like? What will they like to do? Gosh, looking at the photo to my left, I can't help but be reassured that they will be stinking adorable.

I cannot wait to kiss their little face, bite their cheeks, read to them, hold them, teach them, paint with them, hear them giggle, hold their hand, comfort their worry, sing to them, love them. 25 weeks to go.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Knitting Continues...

(continues from my last post)

The Doctor

On September 19, our lives were forever changed with the reading of our pregnancy test. Within the next two days, Ben was by my side as we scheduled our first doctor visit. Immediately Ben and I had to hit the ground running with trying to find adequate health care (as I was not covered at the time), and finding a good OB/GYN. I set up an appointment with a doctor that was accepting new patients at Community Hospital North.

On Friday, Ben and I anxiously attended our first appointment with a list of questions, some for the doctor, some for each other. Just as Ben and I are discussing marriage, insurance, and how we are building a human; a later 30's woman, black hair pulled back, knocks on the door. When she opens she greets Ben and I and our nervous faces. After a series of questions, we discuss symptoms (which I had ALL of them: you name it I had it), what our future will look like with her care, and asked questions, lots of questions. "What can I eat when I'm nauseous? Can I work out? What medicine can I take? Are their insurance ideas if my work won't cover me due to a pre-existing condition?" Dr. Linn took great care in answering all of our questions with a smile on her face. Excitement was in the air that day. Then, Dr. Linn said that we would be able to get an ultrasound, if we were up for it. "Uhm, yeah! Considering I don't even believe I'm growing a baby," is what I was thinking. How can my body be doing things that I am not controlling??

Ben grabs my hand as we see our baby for the first time. A little sac is all we see on the screen. The technician assures us that this was completely normal for a 4.5 week pregnancy. She zooms in and takes pictures of our sac, aka baby, plus a few measurements of our baby's humble home, my uterus.

How does a sac turn into a grown human one day? How does this little concoction of love and ingredients grow into a child? Immediately I feel a strong connection to Mrs. Wrights 7th grade anatomy class, and wishing that I was still an expert at cell division.

The days to follow included a lot of reading. Ben purchased, What to Expect When You're Expecting, for me to embrace. Which I did, lovingly.

The picture shown to your right, is the first picture that Ben and I took as parents (knowingly being parents anyway). It was the day that Ben and I layed down to dig into, "What to Expect..." for the first time. I remember the first section we flipped to was about symptoms, a sort of checklist. "Yep, have that one, and that one, and that one, and that one."

You're pregnant? When are you getting married?

Something about being able to create a life out of love making is perfection to me. Finally, something is right in the world. You would think that an unexpected pregnancy would be unwanted; but not once have I felt that way. You grow up being taught that being pregnant and not married is a BAD thing. I am in no way supporting baby making without being married. But after being married, and finding out the hard and painful way that marriage is not permanent, no matter the committment you made; I have found that love is not defined by a piece of paper. I love my partner with all of my heart, and being married to him would not change an ounce of that sincerity.

Ben and I do plan to marry, when the time is right. Many disagree and say that a baby is the perfect time; a perfect time to rush into a life long commitment doesn't sound like something adds up to me. Ben deserves all of me on our wedding day, not a bride that is half doing it because it's what society tells us to.

...Gosh, I look foward to the day that I marry my love, my partner, the father of my child.