The Knitting Continues...

(continues from my last post)

The Doctor

On September 19, our lives were forever changed with the reading of our pregnancy test. Within the next two days, Ben was by my side as we scheduled our first doctor visit. Immediately Ben and I had to hit the ground running with trying to find adequate health care (as I was not covered at the time), and finding a good OB/GYN. I set up an appointment with a doctor that was accepting new patients at Community Hospital North.

On Friday, Ben and I anxiously attended our first appointment with a list of questions, some for the doctor, some for each other. Just as Ben and I are discussing marriage, insurance, and how we are building a human; a later 30's woman, black hair pulled back, knocks on the door. When she opens she greets Ben and I and our nervous faces. After a series of questions, we discuss symptoms (which I had ALL of them: you name it I had it), what our future will look like with her care, and asked questions, lots of questions. "What can I eat when I'm nauseous? Can I work out? What medicine can I take? Are their insurance ideas if my work won't cover me due to a pre-existing condition?" Dr. Linn took great care in answering all of our questions with a smile on her face. Excitement was in the air that day. Then, Dr. Linn said that we would be able to get an ultrasound, if we were up for it. "Uhm, yeah! Considering I don't even believe I'm growing a baby," is what I was thinking. How can my body be doing things that I am not controlling??

Ben grabs my hand as we see our baby for the first time. A little sac is all we see on the screen. The technician assures us that this was completely normal for a 4.5 week pregnancy. She zooms in and takes pictures of our sac, aka baby, plus a few measurements of our baby's humble home, my uterus.

How does a sac turn into a grown human one day? How does this little concoction of love and ingredients grow into a child? Immediately I feel a strong connection to Mrs. Wrights 7th grade anatomy class, and wishing that I was still an expert at cell division.

The days to follow included a lot of reading. Ben purchased, What to Expect When You're Expecting, for me to embrace. Which I did, lovingly.

The picture shown to your right, is the first picture that Ben and I took as parents (knowingly being parents anyway). It was the day that Ben and I layed down to dig into, "What to Expect..." for the first time. I remember the first section we flipped to was about symptoms, a sort of checklist. "Yep, have that one, and that one, and that one, and that one."


You're pregnant? When are you getting married?

Something about being able to create a life out of love making is perfection to me. Finally, something is right in the world. You would think that an unexpected pregnancy would be unwanted; but not once have I felt that way. You grow up being taught that being pregnant and not married is a BAD thing. I am in no way supporting baby making without being married. But after being married, and finding out the hard and painful way that marriage is not permanent, no matter the committment you made; I have found that love is not defined by a piece of paper. I love my partner with all of my heart, and being married to him would not change an ounce of that sincerity.

Ben and I do plan to marry, when the time is right. Many disagree and say that a baby is the perfect time; a perfect time to rush into a life long commitment doesn't sound like something adds up to me. Ben deserves all of me on our wedding day, not a bride that is half doing it because it's what society tells us to.

...Gosh, I look foward to the day that I marry my love, my partner, the father of my child.

I'm Knitting A Baby Together!!

I told you that I would have more to say one day. That day has come, as Ben and I have finally decided to share our wonderful news!

We are pregnant!

It was unexpected, however, welcomed. I've never felt so crazy, happy, terrified, excited, anxious, loving, nervous, careful, in all of my life. I would not trade it for the world. The idea of building a person with my love is indescribable. This experience has taught me a lot, and it's only be 13 weeks.

So far, or mainly:
1.) Life is unexpected. It does not matter how much I plan, and set my life up for that plan; I have no control of the big picture. For the last 3 years, life has slapped me around quite a bit. As soon as I have felt like I have gotten my feet on the ground, something happens to send it in a tail spin. I have embraced that I don't have control, and have heeded the message loud and clear.

2.) Ben is a blessing to my life. For those of you that don't know, Ben helped me 75% of the way out of the pain of my divorce. From the moment that I met him, he has been my best friend and able to be my partner in life unlike anyone I've met.

You may be wondering....
How Did We Find Out?

Considering that Ben lives in Wisconsin, and I in Indianapolis, Ben and I live on skype. This night was no different. On September 19, I nervously broke the news to Ben that I was a few days late.  I knew something was up because my body is like clockwork with everything. Ben's reaction was, "Don't worry babe, just go to CVS, get a few tests, and meet me back here  (on skype) in 20. We'll take them tonight."
...
I return with the tests, call Ben, and here we are anxiously awaiting the beginning of "testing" to see if we're pregnant. I had to read the directions (as it was my first time to take a test), and then we were off. Ben waited on the computer screen while I completed the tests. The pregnancy test requires you to wait a bit of time, so I rejoined Ben and we waited together.

After one minute, I returned to the bathroom, saw 2 positives, 0 negatives! I instantly screamed, then began sobbing, and doubled over on the floor. I do want to remind you that we were not planning for a baby, which explains my sheer panic. After a minute, Ben called for me from the computer. I delivered the news and have never seen a man smile as soulfilled as he did.

We were pregnant. Pregnant with our first child. Ben and I had discussed raising a family together quite a few times before our news, but not quite so soon. Ben has put it like this, "We've always planned to have these adventures together, but we are just doing them in a different order." I like this philosophy.

(All days after September 19 will be continued soon...)

Hello World

Here we are, my very first blog. I will have a lot more to say eventually, but as for today, I wanted to say hello and welcome to my life. This blog will entail many vent sessions of happiness, frustration, depression, and triumph. If you are close to me, you understand that I am passionate about speaking up and being honest, and will use this site as another outlet. I look forward to many conversations to be created, and ideas to be shared. After all, we are all the same. Will write more soon.